“This food / allergy / addiction thing is so out of control. Today I got really upset, as I tend to do when my skin looks like a cesspool…and cause all day I had been giving myself a pep talk that I’ve got to work with the body I HAVE, and…at least I can not be a white flabby monster. But I think this and then I can’t stop myself from eating four more cookies.” – entry from my journal, summer of 2001
What has been the cost – financial, emotional, physical and spiritual – of how you have been relating to food and your body?
If you could put a price tag on it, how much would healing these issues be worth to you?
Cost Isn’t Just About Money.
(That’s an important part of it.)
But what about mental, emotional, physiological and spiritual cost?
When I set out to heal my relationship with food, the cost initially deterred me. I did NOT want to spend my extra dollars on therapists and nutritionists! I wanted cool boots, and to continue getting takeout whenever I chose. But the reality was that my dysfunctional relationship with food ITSELF was costing me dearly, financially and otherwise. Here’s how:
– l spent thousands of dollars on visits to various doctors to treat health problems caused either partially or fully by my diet. (I also probably spent hundreds, if not thousands of dollars over the years on “binge foods”).
– Some of these health problems caused me to experience physical pain, while others caused a great deal of shame and self-hatred. (While I don’t want to go into detail here, trust me when I say these health issues were multiple, varied, and part of my life on a daily basis for over a decade.)
– My relationship with food itself caused shame and self-hatred. Why couldn’t I just stop?
– Some of these health problems also caused me to inhibit doing activities I enjoyed, or to have really problematic repercussions when I DID do them. (Sometimes this happened monthly, and sometimes it happened multiple times per week).
There’s no doubt about it – my relationship with food was costing me dearly, in many ways. And healing my relationship with food took money, and it took time. That’s what happens when unhealthy patterns have been going on for years or decades. There’s no “quick fix” (I’ve looked for it, trust me!).
But for me, the cost of NOT healing was far greater, and I could see that.
I didn’t want to keep living in a body that I hated. I didn’t want to keep feeling so out of control. And I didn’t want to keep eating in a way that was already creating a multitude of health problems, which were likely to only get worse over time.
And guess what? Now that’s behind me. I no longer feel experience shame and frustration about these issues, because they are no longer issues. I no longer spend money on medication, because I don’t need it. I no longer spend money on practitioners to help me heal my relationship with food, because it has healed. And having a joyful relationship with food, and an accepting attitude towards my body? That, for me, is priceless.
So now I ask you again –
What has been the cost – financial, emotional, physical and spiritual – of how you have been relating to food and your body?
If you could put a price tag on it, how much would healing these issues be worth to you?
Consider this “food for thought” for the New Year.